Dialogues

Grief and loss

Sometimes people come to therapy because life has changed in a way that was unexpected, resulting in a feeling of being lost, out of sorts and out of control. Maybe you’re facing a situation and a future you hadn’t envisaged. It’s understandable that this would be challenging.

Maybe the changes you’ve gone through mean that you’re alone- maybe for the first time in a long time, maybe you’re feeling lonely- unsure of what to do with yourself and how to function in your new reality.

You may be experiencing feelings of grief and loss. Those feelings aren’t only limited to the death of a loved one. Bereavement affects all of us at some stage in our lives and whether it’s the loss of a job, a partner, a relationship, a parent, a past version of yourself, a future, your health. It can be helpful to talk about it with someone who will listen and help you find a way through.

Here at Dialogues, we are experts in helping clients through hard times and times of grief and loss, no matter the cause. We understand how scary it can be to have to re-imagine life in new circumstances and we get what it is to mourn something that hasn’t worked out as you thought it would or hoped it might. It’s very natural to have conflicted and complex feelings that make it difficult to know what to do, how to be or who you are anymore.

Allowing yourself to feel your feelings is easier said than done, because sometimes we feel that if we ‘go there’, we might break and become completely overwhelmed, rendering us unable to function. We’ve also often got really good protective defence mechanisms in place, and that can make it a challenge as well but if you can set time aside with someone whose sole purpose is to support you confidentially and with boundaries, it is possible to move through the difficult times whilst processing all the feelings.

If you think you could use some help then please reach out. Boundaries and ethics are at the heart of what we do as therapists here at Dialogues because your emotional safety is what will underpin the therapeutic work we will do together. We are on hand and ready to be alongside you so that you don’t have to struggle through this time alone. Our therapists have experienced some of what life can throw at us and we have been trained to listen to you. We do this work because it’s our vocation and we are also on a journey to know ourselves better. We know what it’s like to feel like life is falling apart. We’ve weathered the storm and we want to show you that you can too, the important thing is that you don’t have to weather the storm on your own.

If you’d like support, whether that’s in person or online, send us an email today.

talktodialogues@gmail.com

Single session therapy

Single session therapy is perfect for this time of year when time is scarce, and stress is high. Let’s face it, the festive period isn’t always a time for peace and love with family members. Maybe you’re wanting tips to manage stress, help with managing emotions or that tricky relationship with a family member or you’re sharing the children with your ex for the first time this year or perhaps facing some time alone over the festive period, we can offer you space, support and guidance. We can help you with the skills to get you through if that’s going to be helpful.

We don’t all have the time to invest in ourselves long term or even for 6 or 12 sessions and in any case, that’s not always what’s needed, especially if it’s a single issue and you’re busy juggling work, life and family. Why not try a 50-minute focussed session that explores what’s going on in the here and now. We can either meet with you in Hebden Bridge or online, to either sit and talk in the comfort of our cosy therapy room or out and about while we walk and talk.

These aren’t taster sessions, these are clear, focussed sessions designed to get to the heart of the issue and have you leaving feeling lighter, clearer and more able to take on the challenge you’re facing.

Why not send us an email and book in today. We are friendly, supportive and ready to listen to you. There is life after the festive season and we can help you through.

talktodialogues@gmail.com

IT’S SELF CARE SEASON- not another blog post about the importance of self care!

Therapists are always talking about the importance of selfcare with their clients. When you start working with us, at some stage, we will probably ask you about how you currently take care of yourself. And we do this because ultimately, the most important relationship you will ever have as an adult, is the one you have with yourself.

If you’ve read this and you’re already rolling your eyes at the thought of ‘selfcare’, I’m sure you’re not alone there.

Sometimes even the thought of selfcare feels too much, some of us aren’t aware of what the term selfcare even is. We feel selfish for taking time out for ourselves or doing nice things ‘just because’. Sometimes selfcare just feels like another thing to add to the TO DO list, something we know we ‘should’ be doing and another thing to feel rubbish about when yet again, there hasn’t been time for it.

In a world where there are so many responsibilities and priorities, just how do we go about taking time for ourselves and what are you actually even supposed to do when you feel like you’re drowning in a sea of competing responsibilities that all feel like the main priority?

Good question!… and as a therapist, a woman and a human being, I’ve asked myself this many times over the years. And at long last, I think I’ve cracked it!

What is self-care NOT about?

It’s not about adding acts of selfcare like bubble baths and Spa Days (although those are nice and they’re helpful too!) to the TO DO list.

So what IS it about?

The short answer is that it’s about changing your priorities and making lists according to what is actually a priority and de prioritising the things that actually are less important. Saying No to the things that you don’t want to do and making time for yourself a non-negotiable. Giving yourself permission to only do what you can and recognising where your limits are is also really important. Some days we have more capacity than other days. What’s important is that you listen to yourself, evaluate your energy levels for that day and make decisions about what is possible, day to day.

The long answer is to learn about yourself and understand the reasons why you are drawn to do the things you are drawn to. What do you get out of doing those things? What do those things really mean to you?

Then it’s about being really honest with yourself and really evaluating what works for you and what doesn’t. Maybe it used to work or you and no longer does. Change is important and necessary. And appreciating that change is hard for most of us, it’s about working towards feeling more comfortable with making necessary changes and challenging the feelings associated with making those changes. From there, it’s possible to work on the parts of ones-self that holds the belief that drives the behaviour and what, if anything, you would like to be different. That’s where seeing a therapist can help.

Therapy involves forming a unique relationship with a consistent, respectful, non-judgemental human being. One that has no agenda, one that will listen to you in order to understand you, respect your thoughts and feelings and one that will prioritise what you want and need. Most people at some point in their lives find it very helpful to speak to someone they don’t know, confidentially, about their lives with a view to helping them through a tough time, a difficult situation or a change. It’s the most un-selfish thing you can do for yourself, because when we choose to work on ourselves, everyone in our life benefits.

Here are 3 things you can do today to make your load feel lighter:

Give yourself permission to stop and have a mindful moment to yourself, no distractions.
Say ‘NO’ just for once, to that thing you don’t really want to do but feel you should.
Advocate for yourself and tell someone when they’ve crossed a boundary or hurt your feelings. One of the kindest things you can do for yourself is to advocate for yourself.

And finally:

Start prioritising yourself and doing things because you care about yourself. Act out of a place of love as opposed to a place of fear. For example, eat the apple because you care about nourishing your body rather than because your jeans feel a little tighter today.

If none of those options feels manageable for you today, maybe you could reflect on why and maybe it would be helpful to reach out to us for an initial, no obligation chat on the phone.

talktodialogues@gmail.com

Wintering

TRIGGER WARNING contains subjects such as low mood and depression

As the evenings draw in, maybe you’re looking forward to early nights, saying ‘no’ more frequently to social ‘do’s’ and cosying up and enjoying a hot drink in front of the fire.

Or maybe you’re dreading the winter months because past winters have represented a time of loss, loneliness or sadness and you’re expecting this winter to feel the same. Maybe you’re already doing your best to fight difficult feelings, you’re trying to stay buoyant and positive under an impending dark cloud of pressure that’s looming.

The autumn and winter months tend to bring a period of reflection for many of us and sometimes with reflection come painful feelings, or maybe numbness or emptiness. Painful feelings or the absence of any feelings can be really challenging and worrying, especially if it continues for a longer time than is usual or manageable. If it’s helpful, we can offer you some space to actively reflect with a view to processing the challenging things that are coming up for you. As opposed to ruminating and going over and over the same things and getting stuck.

Some people find it very helpful to have the space to reflect and someone with them with the skills to help them productively process and consider, in a balanced way, what’s happened or happening. We can also help you figure out whether there’s anything in your life you’d like to change for the better. Or how you can re establish a sense of safety in your life.

Many of us place emotions into two categories and label them ‘positive’ and ‘negative’. Thoughts of past things that haven’t worked out, the lack of light around at this time of year and the colder weather can all contribute to the build-up of those ‘negative’ feelings. Especially if we don’t feel we can, or we don’t want to talk to anyone close to us, or if there isn’t anyone we can talk to.

Feelings like anxiety, sadness and hopelessness are often feelings we label as negative, and there’s no doubt about it, they can be unpleasant and difficult to feel. Especially If they feel a little ‘closer to the surface’ and harder to suppress than they have been before.

Sometimes we might even notice that the coping strategies we usually rely on to help us suppress difficult feelings are becoming less reliable. Perhaps that glass of wine in the evening has turned into two or perhaps a bottle, and one evening a week has turned into more than one and maybe now that isn’t working anymore. Maybe you’ve noticed yourself doom scrolling more and you’re noticing yourself beginning to wonder whether there’s any point in anything anymore.

Here at Dialogues, we don’t think any emotions are negative. They are all welcome. Even the big ‘scary’ ones that no body likes to speak of because they make us feel like we must be becoming a ‘negative person’, as though we are ‘whining’ or we’re ungrateful for all the other good things in life. And who wants to be that person? Especially when ‘other people have it so much worse’.

The thing is, we are all allowed to have the full range of feelings and when we make our lives conditional to only experiencing the ones we believe to be positive or pleasant for those around us and fight the more difficult ones, that’s when the feelings we are trying to suppress start running the show. What I mean when I say that is that all the suppressed feelings don’t go away just because we try and avoid them. Instead they quietly grow and fester and as time goes by it takes more and more energy to keep those feelings suppressed. The bigger those feelings get, the greater the need to suppress the emotion and the more energy it takes and the greater the feeling of fear or anxiety that manifests on the surface.

That makes daily life really tough to get through and It only takes a minor change in circumstances to tip the balance.

Please don’t struggle on alone. The thought of confronting difficult feelings is always worse than the reality. Most people at some point in their lives feel the need to reach out for additional support and when we do, everyone in our life benefits, so it’s the least selfish thing you can ever do for yourself.

If you have something that’s going on, or something that’s happened in the past that keeps coming to mind. And if you feel like you’re a bit stuck, we would like to help.

The first step would be to send an email and book in for a no obligation short conversation on the phone where we can talk about how we might work together.

More about EMDR

I have been using EMDR more and more and with great success in my clinical practice lately so I thought it might be helpful to say a little more about what it is and what’s involved.

EMDR is a practice that is completely different to any other therapy. It involves stimulating the part of the brain, via eye movements to actively process trauma in the form of memories, either visual or somatic so that when that memory is recalled again in the future, it doesn’t evoke the same level of distress. It is not hypnotherapy and you remain in control at all times.

Which conditions can be treated with EMDR?

NICE guidelines state that EMDR is the Gold Standard treatment for symptoms of PTSD. However, in private practice therapists are using EMDR with great success for a range of traumatic experiences and presenting symptoms including:

Anxiety, Addictions, Complicated grief, Fear, Phobias, Panic attacks, Performance anxiety, Physical pain, Sleep problems, Stress and Self esteem

Big T traumas such as assault, an accident or other life changing event that involves direct threat to safety or survival.

Little t traumas such as the cumulative effects of smaller persistent negative experiences.

How does it work?

The mind can often heal itself naturally in the same way the body does. Much of this natural healing happens by a process called Adaptive Information processing or AIP. Our brain processes naturally when we enter REM sleep. The brain naturally uses AIP to cope with stressors (trauma).

Francine Shapiro developed Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy (EMDR) in 1987. She utilised the brain’s natural ability to process trauma to successfully treat Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and since then EMDR has been used to effectively treat a wide range of other problems as well.

Why do I like EMDR?

Since experiencing first hand the positive effects of EMDR I decided to train once I had achieved the correct level of qualification and experience to be accepted onto a course Accredited by the EMDR Association. EMDR is an advanced psychotherapy and must only be conducted by an appropriately trained therapist, you can find more information here: https://emdrassociation.org.uk/https://emdrassociation.org.uk/

Therapists can identify and go straight to the root cause of the trauma if it’s appropriate to do so.
Very cost-effective therapy because we can do a great deal of work in far fewer sessions.
Because trauma is held in a different part of the brain and within the physical body and we are working with the body to heal itself.
EMDR doesn’t involve talking about the trauma.
It’s possible to work on physical symptoms as well as emotional symptoms.
When traumatic memories are no longer distressing it can be life changing for clients.

What can I expect when coming for an EMDR session?

Prior to any sessions taking place, we will have spoken on the telephone, and you’ll have had an opportunity to ask any questions and I’ll have put your mind at rest if you’ve had any concerns. You will have plenty of time if you’d like it to think over whether EMDR is for you. It isn’t for everyone and it’s always a good idea to speak with a few therapists and find one that you feel most comfortable with.

EMDR sessions are generally held in confidence in person in my office in Hebden Bridge. They can also be held over video call providing you have a space where you can speak freely and confidentially and you won’t be disturbed, and your WIFI connection can support a 60-minute video call. Initially I spend a few sessions building the therapeutic relationship with clients where I’ll be asking questions to understand what life has been like for you and I’ll note a full history, which is essential for planning our work together. From there I can determine the best course of action. Before beginning any processing work, we decide together the key experiences to target. Safety is key so I’ll ensure you feel well prepared before we begin. We might even do a practice run through so that you can get a feel for what’s involved in the processing stage, so you’ll feel as comfortable as possible when it comes to processing your target memory. It is my aim throughout to support you in processing the memory of whatever it is that’s causing you distress so that that memory no longer evokes emotional pain.

EMDR is a very safe therapy, and safety is at the heart of everything we will do. You will be able to stop the process at any time, and you remain in control.

Here’s a word from a recent client who successfully used EMDR to pass Module 2 of their On-Road Motorcycle Test having previously not passed on 3 occasions:

“Hi Jo! I did it!!! I passed with no rider faults!!!! I felt calm and confident right up until I got off and was waiting to find out if I’d passed!! Thank you sooooo much! I couldn’t have done it without you!!!!” D.

It was such a pleasure to support D with this exciting start to a new chapter in their life.

If you would like to have a chat with me on the phone about EMDR or any other aspect of the therapy I provide I would welcome your email:

counsellingwithjowood@gmail.com or a message via the contact page

EMDR- could it help me?

The mind can and often does heal itself naturally in the same way the body does. Much of this natural healing happens by a process called Adaptive Information Processing or AIP. The brain processes naturally when we enter REM sleep. The brain naturally uses AIP to cope with stressors or in other words traumas.

Francine Shapiro developed Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy (EMDR) in 1987. She utilised the brain’s natural ability to process trauma in order to successfully treat Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and since then EMDR has been used to effectively treat a wide range of other problems such as:

Anxiety and Panic Attacks, Depression, Stress, Phobias, OCD, Sleep Problems, Complicated Grief, Addictions, Physical pain, Self-esteem and performance anxiety

How does it work?

View this 2 minute video for a demo of how it works: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKrfH43srg8

Most of the time the body manages new information and experiences without you being aware of it. When something out of the ordinary occurs and the event that is experienced is overwhelming, it can become a trauma. Trauma can occur as a result of a one-off incident like a car accident or it can occur as a result of being repeatedly exposed to distressing incidences. Trauma occurs when our natural ability to cope has become overloaded. This overloading can result in the disturbing experience(s) remaining frozen or ‘stuck’ and therefore unprocessed. Unprocessed memories and feelings are stored in the Limbic system of the brain in a raw emotional form.

The Limbic system maintains traumatic memories in an isolated memory network that is associated with emotions and physical sensations. This system is disconnected from the brain’s cortex which is where we use language to store memories. The Limbic system’s memories can be triggered when we experience events similar to the original difficult experience(s). Often the memory itself is long forgotten but the painful feelings that we associate with anxiety, panic, anger or despair are triggered in the present. Our ability to live in the present and learn from new experiences can therefore become inhibited.

EMDR helps create connections between the brain’s memory networks which enables the brain to process the traumatic memory in its’ own natural way.

What is an EMDR session with me like?

Most clients feel anxious which is entirely understandable. It’s worth remembering that EMDR wont make your symptoms worse. You’ve already lived through the event and are coping with the ‘fall out’ of the emotions.

After I’ve asked you a few questions and completed a couple of questionnaires, I’ll ask specific questions about a ‘target’ memory that we will have previously decided to process.

Eye movements similar to those during REM sleep (left to right eye movements) will be recreated simply by asking you to watch the therapist’s finger moving back and forth across your field of vision. If eye movements feel uncomfortable there are a couple of other techniques we can try. The eye movements will last for a short while and I’ll pause so you can rest your eyes and notice what you’ve experienced.

Experiences during the eye movements may include changes in thoughts, images and feelings. With repeated sets of eye movements, the held memory/sensation tends to change in such a way that it loses its intensity and becomes a neutral memory and feels less emotionally painful. Other associated memories may also heal at the same time.

This linking of memories can lead to a rapid improvement in many aspects of life.

Who can benefit from EMDR?

EMDR can accelerate healing by resolving the impact of past traumas and therefore allows us to be more present and live more fully. There’s a therapy out there for everyone and EMDR won’t be a good fit for everyone. The process is rapid and any disturbing experiences, if they happen at all, last for a comparatively short space of time. Nevertheless, you will need to be prepared to feel difficult feelings and thoughts which do sometimes occur. You may also feel more tired than usual after a session.

How long is a course of EMDR therapy?

EMDR can be part of a longer-term course of psychotherapy or a brief course of treatment. Sessions last either 60 minutes (£60) or 90 minutes (£90). Because EMDR is a rapid therapy we can achieve results much faster than we do with talking therapies.

Please do remember:

During EMDR you remain in control, fully alert and wide awake. It is not a form of Hypnosis. You can stop at any time. Throughout the session I will support your own self-healing and I will intervene as little as possible. Most people experience EMDR as being a natural and empowering therapy.

Evidence:

EMDR is an innovative clinical treatment which has successfully helped over a million individuals. EMDR is the most thoroughly researched method used in the treatment of trauma and it is recommended by NICE and WHO as an effective treatment for PTSD.

https://www.emdria.org/about-emdr-therapy/recent-research-about-emdr/

If you have any questions, please feel welcome to ask.

Seek help and feel better.

Welcome to the blog section of my website and thank you for taking the time to stop by.

Maybe you’re looking for a therapist because you have struggled with the same problem, off and on, for years. You kept hoping that it would just go away on its own, but it didn’t, and it continues to trouble you today.

Perhaps a current situation in your life is bringing up old, unpleasant feelings, or frustrations–maybe even behaviours that concern you and you can’t figure out how to deal with them, and it’s negatively affecting both you and the people you care about.

Maybe you’re experiencing something new and uncomfortable, and your old, reliable ways of coping aren’t working as well as they used to.

It’s possible you’re here, reading this, feeling the struggle inside:

On the one hand, there may be a feeling that it would be better to ‘leave things alone’ and just push through life pretending, just like you always have. That would be understandable.

On the other hand, there may be something inside that wants stability and containment; or, to heal those old, painful wounds; or, to just move beyond feeling ‘stuck’. It’s hard to feel ok in the world–or even in your own skin–with the emotional equivalent of a shard of glass in your foot.

You’re not alone. There is hope for positive change, even when it hasn’t happened in the past. Many people of all ages and backgrounds seek therapy to make some kind of change in their life. Although there is no true “normal” for everyone, if what’s happening for you just doesn’t feel right, then trust your gut and get the support you need.

Take your time exploring my website to learn more about what I do and how I might be of service to you, information about my practice, information about my experience, and helpful resources elsewhere on the internet.

If, after you’ve had the opportunity to review the site, you feel strongly about working through the barriers that keep you from realizing your full potential–or if you’re not yet certain but still find yourself feeling curious about the process of therapy and how I might be able to help–then I encourage you to email me and arrange an initial conversation today.

Group Supervision for Counselling and Psychotherapy professionals

Relational Group Supervision:

I facilitate safe, supportive, respectful groups for qualified professionals of counselling and psychotherapy where participants are inspired to explore their process, develop their professional practice and grow their private practice. Groups are co-created, mindful and practical. Bring a question or case study example or learn from others’ experiences and offer support/ feedback. Exploration of learning edges and getting to know your professional strengths in a safe and supportive environment. Group sessions are a maximum of 2 hours and spaces are limited to no more than 4 participants. Please enquire by emailing me or sending a website enquiry.

Restorative Group practice:

This group is for anyone who would like to connect with other therapists and potentially create a network of trusted colleagues. If you would like a facilitated, restorative and relational experience of group process, a space where you can experience safety, respect and open discussion along with exploration of relational dynamics this could be the group for you. Check in, feedback, support and sharing Johari’s Window style. This safe, supportive, respectful group is for qualified professionals in counselling and psychotherapy. You’ll be inspired to explore your process whilst co-creating the dynamic mindfully. This group sessions is a maximum of 2 hours and spaces are limited to between 4 and 6 participants. Please enquire by emailing me or sending a website enquiry.

All group sessions are £35 per 2 hour session per person.

6 Week self-study CBT course

Choose my 6-week self-study CBT course if:

Time is limited.

You like to work at your own pace and achieve awareness quickly.

You’re solutions focussed.

Weekly CBT therapy isn’t an option for you.

You’re looking for an option that fits around work/ life, and you love ‘homework’.

You want to work on yourself in the privacy of your own home, on the way to work or in your lunch break.

You work shifts and can’t commit to regular sessions right now.

You’re on a low income and want a budget friendly option– this course is just £11.77.

I’m Jo Wood and I enjoy helping people make positive changes in their lives. I am inundated on a weekly basis by people who have the desire for change and are feeling the stresses of life. Many people tell me they can’t find a therapist they jell with, or the therapist doesn’t have availability that matches theirs or they just can’t afford the cost of 6 sessions.

My aim is to help and support as many people as I can and I have written this course for you if you’d like to make a start on your therapeutic journey in your own way. Would you:

Like to understand yourself better.

Like to make sense of what’s going on in your life.

Like to change something.

Therapy is all about making change through awareness and challenging the limited beliefs that hold us back in life. The changes don’t have to be huge. Sometimes the really small changes actually make the biggest difference day to day.

The truth is, sometimes we do just need to carve a little time out for ourselves but of course, with the daily pressures of home and life that’s not easy. This course will fit around your life, and you can work at your own pace so if you’re a busy mum with little ones at home, you can fit it in around nap time or cram it in while the kids are at school or on the way to work. The truth is it’s usually our own thoughts and insecurities that create difficult feelings that cause us to want to act out in specific ways and I know from personal experience that when we invest a little in ourselves everyone around us benefits, whether it’s your partner, your children, your wider family, work colleagues or friends.

This course will help you to understand what’s going on so that you have the opportunity to change and potentially live your best life, all in just 6 weeks.

If you would like life-time access to this course, email me today, it’s just £11.77, the course will arrive in your inbox ready for you to begin whenever you’re ready. If not now, when?

Erskine (1999) 8 relational needs for healthy relationships.

The need for security– this is important because when we feel secure we are not in survival mode (think: fight, flight, freeze).In practical terms this can look like aligned values over money and shared plans for the future and generally feeling ‘on the same page’ as your partner along with the ability to resolve conflict constructively by listening and talking and thereby not triggering old abandonment wounds.

The need to feel validated, affirmed, and significant within a relationship– Feeling like a significant and valid member of the team on a core level, feeling respected, having views and opinions respected and feeling able to share differences without risk or fear of conflict.

The need to be accepted by a stable, dependable, and protective other person– partners are stable, consistent and mean what they say, both partners are compromising and appreciating the presence of the other.

The need for confirmation of personal experience– this encompasses quality time, attention over the small things, empathy for the others’ personal experience and the ability to see and hear the other as well as communicate needs.

The need for self-definition– To be able to maintain your individuality in the relationship, to feel supported to achieve individual life goals and aspirations as well as those that nourish the relationship.

The need to have an impact on the other person– To feel that what we say matters, to feel connected with and to and to feel that the other is ‘with us’.

The need to have the other person initiate– Ease, connection and intimacy to feel vital at a core level. Physical interaction and connection through touch and warmth.

The need to express love– similar to above, self-expression in loving and intimate ways through touch, language, care and consideration. To express love and have that reciprocated authentically and for it to be well received.

Many of us go into relationships focussing on the potential of the other person to provide what we need. When we first learn to notice where the wounds are in ourselves or as I prefer to refer to it, the areas of need and sensitivity, we can first learn to support ourselves and then find healthy relationships that can support us to support ourselves in those needs.