Wintering

TRIGGER WARNING contains subjects such as low mood and depression

As the evenings draw in, maybe you’re looking forward to early nights, saying ‘no’ more frequently to social ‘do’s’ and cosying up and enjoying a hot drink in front of the fire.

Or maybe you’re dreading the winter months because past winters have represented a time of loss, loneliness or sadness and you’re expecting this winter to feel the same. Maybe you’re already doing your best to fight difficult feelings, you’re trying to stay buoyant and positive under an impending dark cloud of pressure that’s looming.

The autumn and winter months tend to bring a period of reflection for many of us and sometimes with reflection come painful feelings, or maybe numbness or emptiness. Painful feelings or the absence of any feelings can be really challenging and worrying, especially if it continues for a longer time than is usual or manageable. If it’s helpful, we can offer you some space to actively reflect with a view to processing the challenging things that are coming up for you. As opposed to ruminating and going over and over the same things and getting stuck.

Some people find it very helpful to have the space to reflect and someone with them with the skills to help them productively process and consider, in a balanced way, what’s happened or happening. We can also help you figure out whether there’s anything in your life you’d like to change for the better. Or how you can re establish a sense of safety in your life.

Many of us place emotions into two categories and label them ‘positive’ and ‘negative’. Thoughts of past things that haven’t worked out, the lack of light around at this time of year and the colder weather can all contribute to the build-up of those ‘negative’ feelings. Especially if we don’t feel we can, or we don’t want to talk to anyone close to us, or if there isn’t anyone we can talk to.

Feelings like anxiety, sadness and hopelessness are often feelings we label as negative, and there’s no doubt about it, they can be unpleasant and difficult to feel. Especially If they feel a little ‘closer to the surface’ and harder to suppress than they have been before.

Sometimes we might even notice that the coping strategies we usually rely on to help us suppress difficult feelings are becoming less reliable. Perhaps that glass of wine in the evening has turned into two or perhaps a bottle, and one evening a week has turned into more than one and maybe now that isn’t working anymore. Maybe you’ve noticed yourself doom scrolling more and you’re noticing yourself beginning to wonder whether there’s any point in anything anymore.

Here at Dialogues, we don’t think any emotions are negative. They are all welcome. Even the big ‘scary’ ones that no body likes to speak of because they make us feel like we must be becoming a ‘negative person’, as though we are ‘whining’ or we’re ungrateful for all the other good things in life. And who wants to be that person? Especially when ‘other people have it so much worse’.

The thing is, we are all allowed to have the full range of feelings and when we make our lives conditional to only experiencing the ones we believe to be positive or pleasant for those around us and fight the more difficult ones, that’s when the feelings we are trying to suppress start running the show. What I mean when I say that is that all the suppressed feelings don’t go away just because we try and avoid them. Instead they quietly grow and fester and as time goes by it takes more and more energy to keep those feelings suppressed. The bigger those feelings get, the greater the need to suppress the emotion and the more energy it takes and the greater the feeling of fear or anxiety that manifests on the surface.

That makes daily life really tough to get through and It only takes a minor change in circumstances to tip the balance.

Please don’t struggle on alone. The thought of confronting difficult feelings is always worse than the reality. Most people at some point in their lives feel the need to reach out for additional support and when we do, everyone in our life benefits, so it’s the least selfish thing you can ever do for yourself.

If you have something that’s going on, or something that’s happened in the past that keeps coming to mind. And if you feel like you’re a bit stuck, we would like to help.

The first step would be to send an email and book in for a no obligation short conversation on the phone where we can talk about how we might work together.