People come to therapy for all sorts of reasons and I suppose this time of year makes me think about all the folks out there beginning 2026 in a new place, or a place they hadn’t envisaged.
I’ve spoken recently here about the pain of endings and loss and feelings of grief because life has changed. Those feelings are especially hard when we see others around us seemingly living their best lives, but we are going through something that feels very hard. Coping with emotions and beginning a new phase of life, in a new year can feel particularly upsetting and daunting. The year is stretching out before you and maybe you feel the unknown is scary and you’re doubting your ability to move forward.
For anyone who has experienced the heart ache of a breakup, even if they made the decision, knows how hard it can be, to move on with life and re imagine a future let alone recreate one out of the ashes of what’s been before. Whilst the year ahead will undoubtedly be full of opportunities, the unknown can feel scary and uncomfortable, full of uncertainty and we can doubt ourselves.
Endings don’t always come with clarity and full understanding and when people come to me with these sorts of experiences, I often hear them say they need to be given some sort of closure to be able to move on. Whilst I understand this feeling, giving our own personal power away to another person means that person has the power to determine how you feel, what new decisions you make and how you live. If that’s the case, we will always be at the mercy of other people’s moods and whims and we will never truly be living in our own autonomy.
The minute you give someone else the power over you to determine how you feel you’re living a conditional life dependent on needing the approval of others.
Sometimes closure comes in the form of the behaviour that caused the break up in the first place, or your decision to sit with the difficult feelings, truly process them and really do the work for yourself on understanding who you are and what you need.
We can, if we choose, create our own closure which might look like making conscious decisions to change what isn’t working because we owe it to ourselves to live, breathe and exist in the world equal to all others. Closure is acceptance, and reflection on what the experience has shown you about ourselves.
Moving on and creating your own closure is the greatest act of self-love and self-care you can give yourself. Honest reflection isn’t easy and often it’s painful, but the therapy space is somewhere where you can embark on this journey with respect, support and guidance, process what it is that’s causing you difficulty and make different choices going forward.
Message us today if you would like some help, we have a therapist waiting to see you.
talktodialogues@gmail.com or follow us on Instagram:
@Dialogueslife (If you’re a therapist)
@DialoguesTherapy (if you’re a client of ours)
We look forward to seeing you soon!
Dialogues 